cant believe summer is almost over already. but thats how it is every year. i guess whats even more mind boggling is that all my friends are moving this weekend to college...and my boyfriend is leaving for the army soon...and that im not in highschool anymore. i know it sounds stupid, but its actually such a huge concept that my childhood is over and its really scary. i dont know what im going to do or where i'll be next year. i've been extremely frustrated lately because i dont know what i want to do...i dont even know where to begin to explain. and i can't do anything because i have no money...i have 300 dollars in my bank account and i have a 1000 dollar payment for tuiton due in less than a month...and my car just broke down. i still need a laptop as well, and i really want to move out of my house but it would be impossible at this point because i could never afford it. i need to find a new job. i mean...i like the people i work with at cousins for the most part but i abhor being a manager. im usually a reliable responsible person but i've really gotten lazy the past few years. my boss is super cheap and really creepy, always watchin us and always has something to bitch about. im so sick of it...luckily i wont be a manager for much longer. and i was an idiot and used the computer at work..hehe. and now im in trouble for that. anyway. i hate my job so much i usually spend the whole day before i work dreading going. :[ im hoping not being a manager will help me like it more.
im going boating tomorrow with my boyfriends family and my family which should be interesting since our parents have never hung out. lately i've really seen my parents through different eyes. i love them both to pieces but as crazy as it sounds i've finally reached the point where i know i can take care of myself better than they can. not in the sense of pay and having a home and supporting myself, but making decisions and living my life and dealing with people. i just dont agree with a lot of what they think...which is really strange for me because my entire life i've always thought everything they did was right and i never would have thought that maybe their approach to raising me was off or wrong...but i see it more and more. and i think a large part of it is just that i dont need to be parented anymore. that i finally see them as people like everyone else...people who have faults and fail, like im seeing them through someone elses eyes. its strange and i dont really know how to explain it.
anyway...right now i'd really like to find a steady job and live in an apartment with my boyfriend, but seeing as he's goin into the army that will have to wait. i'll go to college for a bit and then probably move to wherever he's stationed. interesting to see how it will turn out.

man i need to think about lighter topics.

p.s. im still not hungry. i guess the mood is forever stuck. :/